Woman Being Arbitrarily Detained in Pizza Hut, UN Rules

Forget Julian Assange...


A woman who has been waiting for a Large Pan Spicy Hot One for 40 minutes has been arbitrarily detained, a UN human rights panel has ruled.

Marjorie Dawson of Sutton ordered her pizza at 12:10pm, but at 12:50 she was still waiting. After contacting the UN to protest her detention, she was told that she’d won her case.

This landmark ruling will affect hundreds of customers being detained in Argos stores throughout the UK  – many of whom have been waiting for the purchase to arrive at the desk for nearly 30 minutes.

Mrs Dawson was delighted at the UN’s ruling:

“After around 30 minutes I started to panic. I was just waiting for a pizza. Customers who had come into the restaurant after me were happily tucking into their stuffed crusts. Surely they take longer to cook than a Pan pizza?

“I got myself into a right state. I’d ordered the food and couldn’t really tell them to throw it in the bin. And my tummy was rumbling badly. I just couldn’t being myself to turn myself into the serving staff and ask for a refund. I didn’t know what to do. I felt totally helpless.

“It’s heartbreaking to see people outside, getting on with their lives, while you’re stuck in a restaurant with nowhere to go. That’s when I decided to contact the UN, who were great with me.

“I’s still waiting for my twatting pizza, but it’s a comfort to know that the UN has ruled in my favour. When this is all over, I want Pizza Hut to admit what they’ve done. I want to make sure that his never happens again.”

A media manager at Pizza Hut who wishes to remain anonymous said that Mrs Dawson is free to leave at any time, but will be approached by staff the moment she leaves the premises.