‘Bad Telephone Line’ to Blame for WI Showing of ‘Star Whores’

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Old ladies at a party

Three members of a Canterbury WI association have been hospitalised after a ‘misunderstanding’ led to a pornographic parody version of Star Wars being played at a Christmas party.

Mavis Fletcher, 78, was put in charge of arranging entertainment for the WI’s festive celebrations. After arranging a crochet class and a pizza making demonstration, she decided to round off a fantastic party by putting on a special viewing of what she thought was Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

Everything was going brilliantly until the moment a bare bottom appeared on the screen. Eyewitnesses revealed that gasps filled the room almost immediately, but things took a more sinister turn when a dildo-shaped light-sabre moved into shot.

Deirdre Thompson was eating an egg mayonnaise when the chaos started, and she spoke of her near-death experience.

“Everything was going so well. We were all having a smashing time, and then the bottom appeared on screen. I was looking forward to seeing how Han Solo had been spending his time over the last 35 years, but instead I was forced to endure a depraved scene of filth I will never forget.

“At least five of our ladies passed out, and two were eventually stretchered out by the emergency services. I started to choke on my sandwich, and it took three of my friends to dislodge the food from my throat.

“If I remember rightly, there was only Elsie Parker not in shock. She actually complained when we turned it off, but she’s always been a bit funny.”

Kent Police have confirmed that the mix up was caused by a bad line between the WI headquarters and a disreputable online retailer. They also confirmed that three of the ladies are being treated for shock and exposure to unsolicited private parts.