A 42-year-old Blur superfan from Merthyr Tydfil has suddenly realised that his favourite band were actually shit.
A series of incidents proving what a wanker Damon Albarn is made James Tomlinson question whether his love of Blur had been caused by temporary brain lesions. After a great deal of soul-searching last night, Tomlinson finally reached the conclusion that Blur were ‘utter shite’.
Travel agent Tomlinson spoke candidly about his realisation.
“I’d just read a story about how Damon Albarn likes to burn incense when he writes music, and I had what can only be described as an awakening.
“I started to trawl through my extensive collection of Blur material, videos and interviews, and I really struggled to find one example of Albarn NOT being a prick.
“And it was like magic. I put on Parklife, and I just fucking hated it. I’ve heard better songs being sung in pub toilets. I thought their music defined a generation, but all it defines is Albarn’s love of Damon Albarn.
“I just don’t know what to do now. I used to listen to Blur at least once a day, so knowing that they’re utter horseshit has left a major chasm in my life. Perhaps I’ll move onto the work of Morrissey. I hear he’s a nice guy.”
The British Phonographic Industry recently conducted research into the phenomenon of people liking Blur. Their study concluded that Blur ARE shite. They also discovered that their music only resonates with students, former students, would-be students, friends of students, green activists and self-proclaimed philosophers.