Man Thrown Out of Shakespeare Play for Eating Family Size Bag of Maltesers

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Bag of Maltesers

A man has was unceremoniously thrown out of an RSC production of Hamlet this week after being caught with a family size bag of Maltesers in his coat pocket.

35-year-old Simon Ingham from London was asked to leave by theatre ushers when he was spotted chomping on the malt-based chocolates during the second act.

Daisy Foster was the usher responsible for ejecting the man, and she spoke candidly of her horror.

“I was just sitting watching the play when I noticed a man acting suspiciously. I was certain he was eating, so I just assumed he had breadsticks or black olives… something appropriate for the production.

“But when I noticed the unmistakable red Maltesers bag, I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing. He was trying to hide it, but it was just too big.

“I immediately approached the man, and explained that we don’t tolerate such loutish behaviour. He was obviously mortified when I caught him, so I just shuffled down the aisle and out of the theatre.”

Mr Ingham was understandably distraught after his ordeal.

“I thought I was going to see a matinee production of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, so I prepared accordingly. I’ve never seen the film, so I just assumed that’s what I was watching. But I’d obviously gone to the wrong theatre. Twatting sat-nav.

“After an hour or so, I started to get suspicious, as I’d seen hide nor hair of the car. It was then that I decided to snack on my chocolates.

“The whole thing was a very distressing experience, and one that will leave a permanent scar. I’ll be sticking to Rolos and the cinema from now on.