“New Star Wars is Sh*t,” claims J.J. Abrams

"I prefer The Empire Strikes Back"


Han Solo and Chewie are back in Star Wars The Force Awakens

Just minutes after the world premiere of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, director J.J. Abrams labelled his new movie as ‘shit’, and said the movie lacked a discernible plot, three-dimensional characters and a sense of purpose.

Abrams was a popular choice as director when Disney announced the return of cinema’s most popular movie franchise. But it seems that the creator of TV’s Lost and Fringe is the most dissenting voice of all when it comes to the return of Han Solo and Luke Skywalker.

Abrams spoke to the world’s media shortly after the premiere:

“I have to say, I was a little disappointed. I know I directed the movie, but I just couldn’t help thinking that I’d seen it all before.

“Good v evil… dark v light… blah, blah, blah. I had hoped that a 21st century Star Wars would have taken more risks. I wanted to see tits and gratuitous violence. For me, this new movie should have been influenced by the work of Quentin Tarantino.

“I must admit, I nodded off about an hour into the movie. If it hadn’t been for Carrie Fisher dropping Milk Duds in my mouth, I’d have missed the lot.

“After all the hype, the endless trailers and the mammoth marketing campaign, The Force Awakens has been a massive let-down. I much preferred The Empire Strikes Back.”

There have also been unconfirmed reports that Episode 8 will be ‘sexier’ ‘sassier’ and dirtier. Frank Ravanelli is a Disney executive, and he hinted at a different direction for Star Wars in the future.

“Look, this film just didn’t have enough filth. We know that, and we’re gonna put things right next time around.

“Don’t be surprised to see Luke Skywalker trafficking prostitutes for the Dark Side. We also want to explore the gay side of the Sith – perhaps with some hot group action that audiences love.”