Chaos erupted during Donald Trump’s nomination rally yesterday when a yellow-browed warbler was found living in his hair.
A shocked and clearly panicked Trump fought furiously with the bird for a number of minutes – knocking over microphones, water jugs and a 100-year-old Republican Party supporter in the progress.
The shocked crowd could only watch in horror as Mr Trump – who was supposed to be giving a speech about the ‘murdering, raping Mexicans’ – wrestled with the three-inch bird in front of the world’s media.
Eliza Gretzky was at the rally, and she spoke of the horrific scenes in some detail:
“Well, I remember Mr Trump was telling us all about how those stinking Arabs and Mexicans are ruining this great country when this little bird popped up from in his hair.
“Of course, everybody started to scream with laughter – that was until the bird started pecking Mr Trump like I don’t know what.
“Anyway, by this time we knew Mr Trump’s life was in danger, but what could we do? We just stared. We couldn’t watch, but we couldn’t look away either.”
A spokesperson for the Republican Presidential hopeful issued a statement:
“I’d like to thank the world leaders, Church groups and Sarah Palin for their kind words this sad day. Mr Trump has been subjected to a horrific and quite unprovoked attack by a feral beast, but he is in a stable condition.
“I would like to state for the record that the bird in question was a yellow-browed warbler. However, I can confirm that this bird did not have permission to be using Mr Trump’s hair for the purposes of nest-building.
“We ask that you all give Mr Trump and his family time to come to terms with this horrendous experience.”
But it seems that Mr Trump’s suffering is not yet over, as it has been revealed that two eggs remain in his hair. A spokesperson for the American Birding Association has revealed that the eggs of the yellow-browed warbler are protected by law – meaning Mr Trump might have to hit the campaign trail with a family of birds living in his hair.