I Have Never Had 10,000 Men, Insists Duke of York

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Prince Andrew in uniform

Following spurious claims of infidelity, sexual deviancy and criminality, the Duke of York has been forced to publicly refute rumours that he once had sexual relations with 10,000 soldiers.

According to reports on social media, Prince Andrew purportedly marched 10,000 fit and well-equipped men to a top of a hill. After marching them back down again, some believe the Duke engaged in various sexual acts involving various items of Royal regalia.

According to reports, some of the men weren’t up for the Duke’s requests. However, several eyewitnesses have reported that some of the men were suffering from erectile dysfunction, while others were neither up nor down for Prince Andrew’s antics.

One Palace insider – who wished to remain anonymous – claimed the incident was merely the Duke’s attempt to recreate a famous battle in Surrey.

“I can confirm that approximately 10,000 men were marched up a hill in full 16th century uniform. This was part of a battle recreation, and not depraved attempt at mass sexual gratification on the Duke’s part.

“The fact that many of the soldiers had the backs of their trousers cut out and their bottoms on display is not related to anything sexual in nature. Indeed, these fine, strapping young men wanted to accurately depict conditions during 16th century battles.

“It is a well known fact that the British Army used to flash their backsides at the enemy in much the same way the Scots used to lift their kilts.”