More U2 Concerts Planned in Paris to Keep Terrorists Away

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U2 and Eagles of Death Metal on stage in Paris

Following the Paris terror attacks that left 130 people dead, French authorities have revealed that ‘several more’ U2 concerts will be held in the city in order to deter further attacks by IS militants.

U2 leader singer Bono invited Eagles of Death Metal onto the stage last night in order to finish the concert that was interrupted by gun-wielding terrorists.

But while the impromptu performance was well received by the audience, U2’s presence in Paris didn’t go down quite as well.

French security forces and leading politicians believe that more U2 concerts in central Paris could keep terrorists away, so the Irish band has been booked for a further 40 dates in 2016.

According to an anonymous source within IS, this development could be a ‘game-changer’.

“We see Paris and the French people as our legitimate enemies, and we believe that it is our duty to Allah to attack and kill European infidels wherever they might be.

“However, for the French government to stoop so low is simply beyond our comprehension. To inflict an entire U2 concert on their own people is an act of despicable barbarism. Our soldiers behead, rape and kill for our cause, but I don’t believe that any of them have the stomach for accidentally walking into such debauchery.

“We will therefore be ceasing our Paris operations, and calling home all of our embedded operatives in the city of love. This affront to humanity will not go unpunished, however. As soon as U2 have returned to preaching about poverty and equality from their Hollywood mansions, we shall regroup stronger than ever.”