Tuesday, March 20, 2018

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Man in tiara

55-Year-Old Cleaner Bob Named as New Miss Universe

After a glamorous ceremony in a Las Vegas hotel, a hapless male cleaner scooped the top prize of Miss Universe after a case of...
Old ladies at a party

‘Bad Telephone Line’ to Blame for WI Showing of ‘Star Whores’

Three members of a Canterbury WI association have been hospitalised after a 'misunderstanding' led to a pornographic parody version of Star Wars being played...

This Picture is for the Plebs and Scroungers, Says Palace

A photo of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge posing with George and Charlotte has been released to the press today, and the Palace...
Soyuz rocket taking off

British Astronaut Tim Peake Misses Rocket Launch After ‘Sleeping In’

British astronaut Major Tim Peake sensationally missed the launch of the Soyuz rocket today after using the sleep function on his iPhone 6's alarm...
Nurofen tablets

Nurofen ‘Pain in the Arse’ Brand Removed from British Shelves

Following an Australian court's decision to remove several of Nurofen's branded pain relief from the shelves, a UK court has followed suit by banning...
Wind Turbines

Energy Bills to Plummet, But Only if Britain Remains Very Very Windy

Environment Secretary Liz Truss has announced that energy bills in Britain will plummet in the future, but only if recent strong winds continue. The government...
Angry Man

Petition to Stop Annoying Online Petitions Started

Following several high-profile petitions in recent months, a Change.org petition has been started to stop people starting annoying petitions. A recent petition to ban Donald...
A fat man eating a kebab

Kebab Meat is Made from Potato, Insist Drunk Vegetarians

A group of drunk vegetarian activists have claimed that kebab meat is made from potato and various herbs and spices. Several members of the 'Don't...
David Cameron with the Polish Prime Minister

Freedom of Movement is Good Unless the Scrounging Bastards Come Here, Says Polish PM

Polish Prime Minister Beata Szydlo has denounced David Cameron's plans to curb benefits for EU immigrants - claiming that the principle of free movement...
U2 and Eagles of Death Metal on stage in Paris

More U2 Concerts Planned in Paris to Keep Terrorists Away

Following the Paris terror attacks that left 130 people dead, French authorities have revealed that 'several more' U2 concerts will be held in the...
Prince Andrew in uniform

I Have Never Had 10,000 Men, Insists Duke of York

Following spurious claims of infidelity, sexual deviancy and criminality, the Duke of York has been forced to publicly refute rumours that he once had...
Starbucks staff working in store

Office Worker’s Complex Coffee Order Shuts Down a London Starbucks

Coffee drinkers in central London were thrown into panic today when a complicated order from a local office worker brought a Starbucks store to...