Tuesday, March 20, 2018

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Men at urinals

Looking Sideways at Urinals Now Illegal

After a series of 'misunderstandings' in toilets up and down the country, MPs have finally voted in favour of making sideways glancesĀ at urinals illegal...
London Underground train pulling into a station

7 Out of 10 London Children Want to Be a Striking Tube Driver When They Grow Up

Just days after the chaos caused by the recent strike by Underground drivers, a survey has revealed that 7 out of 10 kids in...
Donald Trump's ridiculous hair

Chaos at Republican Rally as Bird Found Living in Donald Trump’s Hair

Chaos erupted during Donald Trump's nomination rally yesterday when a yellow-browed warbler was found living in his hair. A shocked and clearly panicked Trump fought...
Ashley Madison promo photo

Britain to Prepare for Travelling Salesman Shortage Following Ashley Madison Hack

Sources from within the UK government are making preparations for a national shortage of travelling salesmen following the hacking of cheats' website AshleyMadison.com. Tens of...
Tim Farron gives his maiden speech as leader

Who the Fu** Is Tim Farron, Asks Nick Clegg

Nick Clegg appears to have ruined Tim Farron's coronation as new leader of the Liberal Democrats by failing to recognise his own replacement. The former...
Kim Jong-Un waving to his adoring fans

Dead Man Sentenced to Death for Not Voting in North Korean Elections

As Kim Jong-Un hailed his party's landslide election victory, it has emerged that an elderly man who died on the eve of the ballot...
Simon Brodkin throws cash at Sepp Blatter

I Only Want to See One Dollar Bills at Strip Clubs, Says Sepp Blatter

Following prankster Simon Brodkin'sĀ interruption of a FIFA press conference, outgoing President Sepp Blatter has insisted that the only time he wants to see dollar...
Samsung Galaxy S6

Latest Samsung Phone Actually Does Wipe Your Arse and Make Your Tea

Samsung has officially launched its eagerly anticipated Galaxy S6 and s6 Edge smartphones, and it has been revealed that they both include functions that...
Vladimir Putin

Total Annihilation of Ukraine Unlikely, Says Putin

Vladimir Putin has announced that the total annihilation of Ukraine is very unlikely. The Russian Premier was talking to a state television news channel when...
And angry David Cameron

UK Government Sends Strongly Worded Tweet to IS

As part of the UK government's no nonsense approach to dealing with Islamic State, Foreign Office officials have sent a strongly worded Tweet to...
Guantanamo inmates

Remaining Guantanamo Inmates to Form Boy Band

As calls for the release of Guantanamo Bay's final detainees grow, it has emerged that eight of the men still incarcerated in the infamous...
A Cornish pasty

France Bans All British Food

The French government has announced a ban on all British food with immediate effect, and the news has caused shockwaves throughout Europe. After an increase...