Tuesday, March 20, 2018

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An angry woman stares at the camera

Woman Who Refuses to Agree That EU is Undemocratic Believes Australia is Part of Britain

A woman in Dartford who refuses to believe the EU is an undemocratic superstate has taken to social media to insist that Australia belongs...
Tony Blair and George W Bush meet at The White House

Chilcot Report to Be Published in Full After Writers Agree on Twist Ending

The long-awaited report into the Iraq War from Sir John Chilcot will be published on July 6th after its writers finally agreed on a...
Pizza Hut store in the UK

Woman Being Arbitrarily Detained in Pizza Hut, UN Rules

A woman who has been waiting for a Large Pan Spicy Hot One for 40 minutes has been arbitrarily detained, a UN human rights panel...
A portrait of Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn Resigns Over the Corbyn Reshuffle

Following a significant shadow cabinet reshuffle that led to at least three resignations with the Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn has caused confusion and panic...
A Muslim family in Britain

‘Brown People’ Banned from Travelling to the U.S.

Following several high-profile cases involving British Muslims being refused entry to the USA, the U.S. authorities have confirmed that 'brown people' will no longer...
Wind Turbines

Energy Bills to Plummet, But Only if Britain Remains Very Very Windy

Environment Secretary Liz Truss has announced that energy bills in Britain will plummet in the future, but only if recent strong winds continue. The government...
David Cameron with the Polish Prime Minister

Freedom of Movement is Good Unless the Scrounging Bastards Come Here, Says Polish PM

Polish Prime Minister Beata Szydlo has denounced David Cameron's plans to curb benefits for EU immigrants - claiming that the principle of free movement...
Donald Trump's ridiculous hair

Chaos at Republican Rally as Bird Found Living in Donald Trump’s Hair

Chaos erupted during Donald Trump's nomination rally yesterday when a yellow-browed warbler was found living in his hair. A shocked and clearly panicked Trump fought...
Tim Farron gives his maiden speech as leader

Who the Fu** Is Tim Farron, Asks Nick Clegg

Nick Clegg appears to have ruined Tim Farron's coronation as new leader of the Liberal Democrats by failing to recognise his own replacement. The former...
Kim Jong-Un waving to his adoring fans

Dead Man Sentenced to Death for Not Voting in North Korean Elections

As Kim Jong-Un hailed his party's landslide election victory, it has emerged that an elderly man who died on the eve of the ballot...
Jihadi John

Controversial Report Suggests Jihadi John Was Actually a Little Shit at School

After a string of glowing references for the Islamic State murderer known as Jihadi John a former teacher has labelled him as a 'little...
Vladimir Putin

Total Annihilation of Ukraine Unlikely, Says Putin

Vladimir Putin has announced that the total annihilation of Ukraine is very unlikely. The Russian Premier was talking to a state television news channel when...