Energy Bills to Plummet, But Only if Britain Remains Very Very Windy

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Wind Turbines

Environment Secretary Liz Truss has announced that energy bills in Britain will plummet in the future, but only if recent strong winds continue.

The government is ploughing millions of pounds into wind power throughout the UK. By 2050, 95 percent of Britain’s electricity will be generated by wind power, which is causing concern among politicians, scientists and big business.

Truss is confident that British weather will remain ‘sufficiently shit’ to support the country’s need for power. However, sources close to the Secretary of State say that she is secretly hoping for more global warming.

Despite widespread criticism of her policy, Truss is determined to continue pouring resources into wind power.

“Yes, we need global warming to continue in order to get the wind we need. But we must pursue renewable energy in order to deliver on our commitments to the reduction of carbon emissions. I’m hoping for a three-degree rise in global temperatures. This will make meeting our emission targets very easy indeed.”

But there have already been power cuts as a result of this new policy. Just last summer, a particularly warm and pleasant day resulted in the shutdown of Slough. The estimated cost of lost business during the 24-hour blackout was close to £100.