I Only Said Putin Was a Little Camp, Says Man Dying of Radiation Poisoning


Vladimir Putin

Just days after the murder of Boris Nemtsov on the streets of Moscow, a former milkman lies dying in hospital with suspected radiation poisoning.

Although details of the man’s condition are sketchy right now, foul play is suspected, and those close to Moscow State Dairies believe that Putin himself is the man behind this latest political attack.

Alexei Kozlov caused outrage across Russia last week when a Tweet he wrote seemed to question the Russian premier’s sexuality.
<blockquote>@Alkoz1: Is it me, or is Putin camping it up to be ironic?</blockquote>
Kozlov’s Tweet was immediately withdrawn after several death threats, but his brohter Sergei believes the damage had already been done.

“Our great leader is a virile, heterosexual man with heroic tendencies. Long live Vladimir Putin, and let god strike down those who question his sexual proclivities.

“My brother merely commented that Putin riding naked on horseback could be construed as being a little on the camp side. He simply hinted that Mr Putin’s back catalogue of The Village People albums is a sign of our great leader’s sexual security.

“When my brother joked about Mr Putin’s love of man-on-man, oil-soaked wrestling, he was expressing his gratitude for our great leader’s cosmopolitan attitude towards the male body.

“However, I still can’t help thinking that the poisoning of my brother was in some way connected to the Kremlin. I don’t like to cast aspersions, but several thousands witnesses saw four Kremlin security guards spray my brother with a mysterious spray.

“I also noticed that the Kremlin website has claimed responsibility for the killing. I don’t want to draw the wrong conclusions, but I fear the Russian government had something to do with all this. Long live Putin!”

After repeated requests for a statement, a Kremlin intern appeared at the gates of the famous old building and made the following statement:

“Mr Putin would like to send his condolences to the family of Mr Kozlov. This man delivered milk all over Moscow, and his loss will be a loss to householders across the city.

“The Russian government wishes to make it clear that this tragedy was a tragic accident. The eyewitnesses, toxicology reports, photos, videos and Snapchat coverage is all purely circumstantial. It is not the policy of the Russian government to kill its citizens and then admit it. Thank you.”