Fat Bloke Furious to Still Have Beer Belly Despite Having Fitness App

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Fat man eating

A fat man has expressed his dismay at still having a huge beer gut despite investing nearly £10 on a leading fitness app.

29-year-old Christopher Trenton from Wigan has been fighting the flab for most of his life, but he thought he had his paunch beaten when he noticed an ‘advanced fitness app’ on special offer with the Apple App Store.

After paying the £9.95 for the app, Christopher sat back and waited for the weight to drop off. But it wasn’t long before he started to have serious doubts about the app’s effectiveness.

Christopher said: “I was eating my morning pasties when I noticed that the weight loss app was on offer. I bought it straight away, as I wanted to shift a few pounds before a stag do in Blackpool.

“Anyway, after five days or so I noticed that I’d actually put weight on. I double checked my phone to make sure that the app had properly installed. I even did some research on the internet to check how to activate the app.

“I opened the app every day to check my progress, but nothing. I wanted to let all my friends know exactly how many calories I was burning, but there was just nothing to share.

“I contacted the makers of the Balatty No More app to complain, but they had the nerve to tell me that I needed to exercise and diet. What the fu** is the point of buying a weight loss app for your phone if you’ve got to exercise and eat a calorie-controlled diet?”

Harry Simonsen is the Managing Director of Flabulous Fitness Apps, and he insists the app is working normally.

“We must stress to all of our customers that this is a fitness app, and not a miracle cure. Users must follow the exercise and dietary advice in order to lose weight. We would also like to stress that take-away curries, lager and sweet pastries do not feature in any of our meal plans.”