After years of speculation, Sir David Attenborough has finally confirmed that the UK’s top naturalists and zoologists ‘get loads of fanny’.
Sir David was talking to the world’s press at a recent awards dinner when he revealed that he constantly has to ‘beat the minge back with a stick’.
It has long been believed that biologists and zoologists struggle to attract the attention of the opposite sex, but this latest development seems to have cast leading naturalists in a new light.
It seems that a combination of tweed, comb-over hairstyle and innate Britishness makes ‘science slags’ weak at the knees – something that has been denied by leading scientists foe decades.
Sir David admits that his animal magnetism can be a little tiresome at times.
“My god, in my 30s the gash was never-ending. I could be knee-deep in monkey shit and sweating like a fat lass in a chip shop – I’d still be able to open a pair of legs with just a wink.
“But as one gets older, one has to rein things in a little. I just couldn’t go on dipping my wick like that. So, I restrict myself to no more than three science groupies a month.
“I’ve has such a fantastic career, and I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve slept with the golden sub-nosed monkeys of China, swam with Amazon River dolphins in Bolivia and danced with the short-skirted slappers of Newcastle. What a ride!”