EU Referendum Cancelled in Sunderland as Locals Have Never Heard of Europe

188
0

Sunderland fans looking up

Electoral officials have confirmed that Sunderland will not take part in the upcoming EU referendum – because not enough local people have heard of Europe.

Despite pipping Newcastle United to Premier League safety last season, Sunderland have never played in Europe. A recent Mori poll of people in the city revealed that only one in 10 Sunderland residents know what Europe is.

Harry Fisher from Pennywell in Sunderland is adamant that Europe doesn’t exist.

“I’ve got no idea what yewrup is. I keep hearing about it on the telly, and I know that the Champions’ Leyg has something to do with it. What’s the point of voting for something you’ve never heard of?

“How can we be in fucking yewrup? We’re in England aren’t we? How can a country be in another country? i bet those stewpid fucking mags are voting though. They’re thick as pig shit.”

According to an unnamed source at the Electoral Commission, local residents in Sunderland will be able to sign up for European culture and language lessons instead of voting. Among the most popular languages signed up for so far are Spanish and English.

Tracey Marshall of the Electoral Commission has been shocked at just how little people in Sunderland know about Europe.

“We wanted to get a feel for what people in Sunderland think of Europe. When we started asking around, several people though Europe was just an 80s band. 25 people thought Europe was near Spain and three people said Europe was a type of pizza.

“We wanted to educate the people of Sunderland about Europe, but until their football team gets a taste of continental football, that’s going to be almost impossible.