Fellaini’s Hair in Hot Water with the FA

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Marouane Fellaini

Manchester United’s Marouane Fellaini has been charged with ungentlemanly conduct after several Premier League managers and players complained about the midfielder’s Afro.

Recent newspaper reports have suggested that the reason for his rumoured transfer request was his desire to play Champions League football. However, the FA believe Fellaini’s hair gives him an unfair advantage and have decided to take action. The Belgian international is reportedly furious and wants to leave England for good.

The FA had received the same complaint from several clubs regarding use of the Afro for free kicks. One Premier League manager, who wishes to remain anonymous, explained the issue.

“Fellaini is a great player but we feel United use him unfairly at times. They position him directly in front of the keeper to obscure his view. The first a keeper knows about it is when the ball is nestling in the back of the net.

“We also feel the boy uses his hair during challenges. We have several players with scratched corneas after fifty fifties. We’re not asking that he cuts the whole thing off, just that he trims it a bit. Perhaps some dreadlocks, or a plait?”

Despite the bitter feud, Fellaini and United may have a surprise ally in the form of Electronic Arts, creator of the FIFA video game series.

“We have already programmed the 2016 game image for Fellaini,’ raged an EA spokesperson. “For the FA to force him to cut his hair is outrageous, and a clear breach of his human rights. If the FA persists with this course of action, we will be forced to consult our lawyers.”

Fellaini would not comment on what Old Trafford chiefs are calling ‘Afrogate’. However, we understand that the Belgian midfielder is determined to stand his ground, and wants to make his hair even bigger, brasher and bushier.