Manchester City to Bid for 2026 World Cup

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The Etihad Stadium, Manchester

Following allegations of bribery and the eventual award of the 2022 World Cup to Qatar, the Manchester City board has been inspired to launch a shock bid to bring the 2026 World Cup to the Etihad Stadium.

Sheikh Mansour was reportedly delighted with the controversial decision to give the finals to the tiny Middle East country. Encouraged by the successful use of underhanded tactics and backhanders, the billionaire plans to grease the palms of the FIFA hierarchy in order to bring the greatest sporting event on earth to Eastlands.

An anonymous club source said plans for the bid are at an advanced stage.

“We have set aside one billion US dollars to facilitate gifts to the FIFA Executive Committee. Mr Mansour is very generous, and he wants to thank the FIFA members for their hard work over the years. It is important to stress that any potential payments made to FIFA are not regarded as bribes, merely as gestures of goodwill.

“We have bought a major Manchester hotel, right in the heart of the city, and FIFA will have exclusive use of this hotel over the next 8 years. They will be treated to luxury beyond their wildest dreams. They may bring their partners and loved ones, although they may also bring their wives if necessary.

“The Sheikh wants to show FIFA that Manchester is not the dull, wet, uncultured shit hole that is portrayed by the world’s media. There will be white tigers, exotic dancers and regular banquets to give the delegates a flavour of what can be expected from a Manchester City World Cup.”

Concerns have been raised at City’s ability to host a World Cup from just one stadium, but the club source moved to dispel any doubts.

“We have bought the nearby Reebok and DW stadiums for the not so well-supported games. Our own stadium will host three games per day during the group stages, as well as all quarter finals, semi finals and final.

“We believe we have a real chance of getting the 2026 World Cup, as Greater Manchester is actually bigger than Qatar. We also want to show the FIFA officials that Manchester girls are among the dirtiest in the world.

“We will be organising regular nights out to showcase Manchester’s night clubs and lively bars. And FIFA delegates will have their pick of the brightest young and sexy talent this great city has to offer.”

Skybet and Ladbrokes have Manchester City as 11/2 early favourites to win the finals, with Italy and the USA joint second favourites at 4/1. However, we understand that the Sheikh is determined to win the ‘greatest show on earth’. City’s owner has not ruled out simply buying FIFA in order to realise his World Cup dream.